was not a good day. As I already expected you could feel the awkwardness around, really awkward yes. Last part of the day was better though. We hung out in the park with some of our friends and it was almost normal. We talked a little but still, it would be awkward again with only the two of us.

Dear Lord please let this end because this literally is the worst scenario I ever forecasted. And it is becoming true and I don’t want to lose him because no, just no. Our friendship is one of the best things I ever had.

gah

Okay, so I haven’t been writing a lot on this blog the last couple of weeks. I think main reason is that I used to consider this blog more or less as a place where I could write down my feelings. And since these feelings kind of decreased because of a lack of exciting happenings I neglected it a bit.
But by saying this, everything changed again. And this time it’s not some stupid or remark or rumour I’m hyperventilating over, it’s a true and sincere love confession of my best male friend. Last wednesday we did somethings that is beyond crazy, me myself can’t even believe it really happened. It’s surreal and after all one of the best things I did during my entire high school period.
To get to the point, he came to my house on his bike around 2 am. When he arrived we went out for a walk, since I was dying over the fact my mum could wake up by all the sounds any minute. We ended up sitting at this spot near the water, somewhere in the ‘forest’ nearby my house. We chatted about a lot of things, random stuff at first and then we got serious. People who actually read this blog know that I’ve been writing about this guys for already -I think- 6 months. At first I REALLY liked him. This didn’t really changed but after my friend told me about him asking a girl to be his girlfriend. I tried my hardest to suppress every possible feeling. To my own surprise I succeeded. I was able to see him as a good friend only and my desire to be more to him more or less disappeared.
Until that Wednesday night. Or Thursday morning as you could call it. He told me I’m somebody he could fall for, and I vaguely expressed I like him too. This happened around 4 am. Only reason why this happened is because the spot we were sitting was made for it, and because of the strange atmosphere that hung around anyway. Even though it was the most unusual thing ever I didn’t get THAT awkward.

And now we’re here: sunday evening. Things got awkward and tomorrow we’re seeing each other at school. I want to act normal but since we both don’t know how to handle this situation it probably isn’t even possible to act like nothing happened. We considered having a conversation to clear some things up but the fear of negative consequences will very likely stand in the way.
This means I have nooo idea how tomorrow will be. I don’t want everything to be awkward but it IS because who the hell tells things like this to a FRIEND.. which you see every day and which is SO important to you.. I am SO gonna die.
These are my confessions part unknown.

I’m so tired I could die, and this book report needs to be done before 00:00.. fuck deadlines, fuck today, fuck the fact I’m not able to express my feelings upon anyone.

My friend asked me to prom (:

Besides, people are posting weird questions like ‘are you in love with someone’ in the ask box of my personal account.
I don’t know who asked it but I’m afraid people are thinking I’m in love with him, even though I try to hide every possible feeling I might have for him.

I don’t even know what I feel myself so please don’t let people make this even more complicated..